It has been 3 days since I lost my mother whom I loved dearly, and since then this is the first time that I touch this writing machine.
She was not just a great mum, but also a great GURU to me and my 5 other siblings as well as to my uncles and aunties.
She died in peace at Putrajaya hospital in the arms of my brother Kamal, at 8am but was officially pronounced at 9.05am on the 29th July after the paramedic team was working hard to survive her.
My mother was no ordinary woman. She had gone through rough and tribulations of life with unmatched determination and fought uncomprehendingly to bring up all of us, and she did it all alone.
She was our single mother since she was 34 as we lost our father when I was just over 14 years of age.
The youngest of my sibling Kamarulzaman was born just 36 hours before his last breath in February 1966.
In between me and Kamarulzaman there are four others, Faridah, Hisham, Kamal and Fuad.
Six of us were brought up in a very pressing environment but my mother was all out working and toiling her sweat and tears in the paddy fields and small plot of rubber plantations that was left for her by my grandfather, Haji Kasim.
She was both the man and woman for the family living in a very remote village in Kuala Pilah and she heroically made sure that we were in school to match up with the basic needs of educations.
Until just hours before her death she was still giving me advice of a mother to a son and I cherished that moment exceedingly.
She reminded me not to forget my uncles and aunties as long as they are living, be alert and get united among siblings.
“Aspan, kau tu anak mak yang tua sekali. Tanggungjawab kau besar. Jaga adik-adik dan bersatu. Anak-anak saudara kau ramai, jangan tak pedulikan dia orang. Itu darah daging kau.”
“Kau jengok-jengok Pak Lang kau, Induk kau, Mak Cik kau, Ochu kau. Dia orang adik-beradik mak. Itu pesan mak, jangan lupa,” she told me softly but clearly.
She also reminded me not to take the 5 daily prayers lightly as that differentiates between good human and other beings.
She said that she was happy to see her children grew up well and she was blessed with 33 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren. Three of her six great-grandchildren are my grandsons.
Being a semi-literate lady she outclassed the mentality of those of her peers and age.
She used to tell me that going to a university was her ultimate for her children but what worried her was whether the children can think learnedly like a good graduate.
She often scolded us when we failed to think well and made proper decisions over simple issues despite spending long years in campus.
“Baca buku tebal-tebal tapi bodoh!” she yelled at me once and I never answered her word since I knew she was right.
I knew she reprimanded me because of her love for me. Other siblings too were not spared from her watchfulness.
To her, enrolling oneself into universities is to learn how to think straight and appropriate, while the scroll received on the graduation day was just to certify that you have undergone the training.
This kind of philosophical word by and large comes from a well-to-do, educated and well rounded up person and not from an old lady who was brought up in extraordinarily remote village who could meagerly read and write.
Time and space prohibit me to write longer than this, as I am in grieved of her demise.
What I am sure now is that there is nobody who is going to advise and scold me anymore.
All the 56 years having her as a mum, her scolding and advices made me strong and lively.
The more dressing-downs I had from her the more I loved her as she was straight and magnanimous to all her children and children-in-laws.
I am going to miss all those from now on. God have graced me immensely for having a mum that not everybody has.
“I promise not to stop praying for you mum. We know that you have loved us exceedingly and all your sacrifices made us all human!”
I love and miss you dearly Mum! Al-Fatihah!